so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
