I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
