You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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