I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
