Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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