how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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