i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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