Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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