Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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