I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
