the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
