You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
