So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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