it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
