you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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