Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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