I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
