Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
