His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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