Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What a dumb baby whore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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