Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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