if i can run in heels then i can drive
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
