She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
