He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
