life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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