Nicole vs. Life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
