I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize