The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
