he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
