it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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