sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize