So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
