why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
