All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
