You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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