my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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