Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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