Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
