so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize