the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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