So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
