I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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