She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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