im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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