i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was born a porn star she said
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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