I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
