a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
