tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
