Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
