Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
