just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
