Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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