he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
