You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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