They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
