I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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