I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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