Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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