you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
