R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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