i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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