It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
