At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
