Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
