im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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