i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
