it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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