i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
