We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
